美と賛美される

20 September 1981

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:15:08 GMT

I did not realise until this morning ~~how long~~ that it was a long time since I wrote in here. Several months, I think. I feel bad about that, but it always takes me so long to write here because I want to write in English. Even after living here so long, I still have to use a dictionary and sometimes translation charms. I am glad though, that every time I write I do not have to use the dictionary as much. This is exciting for me!

Even though she is young, Cho is turning out to be a very smart little girl. We have teaching her both Japanese and English and she does very well in both. I am trying so very hard to improve my English because I want to always be able to communicate wit my daughter. Unless she and Tamino are having a Quidditch lesson and then they might as well be speaking another language!

~~I want to have another~~

I should go. There is laundry to start before I leave for the Ministry.

28 January 1981

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:46:15 GMT

The New Year has not been bad so far for Tamino, Cho, and I. The holidays were very nice and it was good to see Alicia and Carol again because they have been so nice to watch Cho for us every now and then.

Cho is growing so fast! Tamino has decided she will be the next great Quidditch player and even got her a toy broom for Christmas. I think if it weren't for me, he would have already tried to teach her to fly! He can be so funny sometimes! She'll be two years old in April and he's trying to make her a Quidditch player already!

It may be too soon, but she loves every minute of the lessons and giggles at him.

Hopefully this year will be much better than the last.

29 August 1980

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 19:18:59 GMT

I know it is not under the best of ~~circu~~ times, but I am glad for the day away from work. Tamino is off too and we've gotten to spend the day with Cho. She is getting big so fast I cannot imagine it! She will have two years in April and Tamino is already trying to teach her Quidditch. He thinks I don't ~~noti~~ see, but I do!

Working so much and not getting to see her all the time is sad for me, but it is not as if I don't see her every day when I get home and Tamino, but I don't want to miss anything. I hope that is not wrong.

We will get to have a sit down family dinner tonight. I'm excited!

26 May 1980

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 22:59:12 GMT

I cannot believe how big Cho is getting. It almost does not seem as though she should be this big, but I'm happy and she's happy and Tamino is too. He is such a good father and Cho loves him, I can tell. I came home from the Ministry and saw him asleep with her on his shoulder and it was one of the cutest things I have seen.

~~Ting is~~

Ting's marriage worries me. She helped so much when I was trying to plan my wedding and I wish I could do something now even though I really have nothing I can say. I just know that Tamino is more bothered by this than he wants to show and that worries me. I know he loves me so I am not scared for us or Cho, but I wish there was something I could do for his sister. The way everyone is attacking her makes me sad.

I am still so glad that Tamino and I are together. I love him. And I am proud of my daughter. She looks more like me than Tamino, but I'm sure he will teach her all about Quidditch when she is older so she will be more like him!

Things will work out. I hope.

27 October 1978

Sat, 27 May 2006 13:27:05 GMT

In Japanese

I finally told my parents about the wedding and the baby. I didn't want to tell them about the baby, but Tamino's father was right and he did ask me to tell them. It would have not been proper to get married without at least informing my parents and we have gone about this all wrong from the beginning anyway, but my wedding is in less than a week!

Ting must have kept her promise to talk to Tamino because he assured me that he loves me and would have wanted to marry me regardless of the baby! I think I knew that anyway, but I was nervous ans scared. To a degree, I suppose I still am. I never dreamed that I would have to plan my wedding in only a few days, but Tamino, Ting, and their father have helped a great deal. The more I think about things, the more I realise there is so much to be done before Friday. I am in inviting my two flatmates of course, and my parents and Tamino's father and his sister and her husband will be there. I think Tamino may have invited a couple of his friends, but I don't mind. I just wish there wasn't so much planning to do and we could just get married!

12 October 1978

Sat, 13 May 2006 03:58:06 GMT

Private and in Japanese

According to the Healers at St. Mungo's, I'm nine weeks pregnant. Nine weeks pregnant and more frightened than I have been in my entire life. This is too soon to have a baby. I am not even married yet! If my parents knew, they would be so ashamed and regret ever letting me come to this country.

More than my parents being ashamed of me, however, I'm more frightened that Tamino might leave me. He says that we should get married, but I don't think he wants to and I wish we didn't have to. I love him and I know he loves me, but this baby has made almost everything awkward between us. I'm almost ashamed to admit it even here, but I've thought about getting one of those potions my roommates have told me about and pretending that this never happened, but I would never be able to bring myself to do such a thing.

Days like today, I almost wish I had never come to this country, regardless of Tamino or the freedom I have. But then, look what having freedom and Tamino has done.

7 September 1978

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 21:43:58 GMT

Private and in Japanese

Tamino took me to the Healers a few days ago, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him what was wrong. Wrong is probably not the correct word for it, but how am I supposed to tell him that I am pregnant?

He was so concerned about me and I know he still is, but I don't know how he will react to knowing that soon he and I will be parents. Neither of us are even twenty years old yet. What are we going to do? He still lives with his father and I live with flatmates. We've just started working on our own. How are we to support a baby?

...What if he doesn't want the baby? I don't think he would leave me, but there is always that choice, yes? I would not be able to go back home to my parents, being unmarried and having this child. It would bring shame to them, more than I could bear. Maybe that's why I have not found the courage to tell him yet.

I don't know how much longer I can go on with this secret.

30 August 1978

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 05:29:48 GMT

In Japanese

I do not know what is wrong with me, but I have been so tired and just not feeling that well for the most part. I am not doing my best work at the Ministry and that bothers me, but I have been feeling so strange that I cannot work as I should. The work is not difficult, I just don't feel well enough to actually work as hard as I should. I nearly even fell asleep the last time Tamino and I went out! I think he is worrying about me a little bit and I don't want that.

I'm glad he has found a job that he likes and one that lets me see him as often as we can manage without too much trouble. My flatmates tease me about him, but he is my boyfriend so I do not mind it at all.

If I am still sick by next week, I think I will go to St. Mungo's and find out if something is wrong. I only hope that Tamino or one of my flatmates will be able to go with me. I'm still not very good in English and the thought of going there alone scares me.

28 July 1978

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 05:55:33 GMT

In Japanese

I'm so happy to have finally found Tamino now that I am living in London! He hasn't been by to see me too much, but then I have been working long hours at the Ministry in the past weeks. When he is here, it is like we are ~~married~~ meant to be together. I love him, even though my roommates seem to think it is strange, since I do not speak much English and I think Tamino has forgotten most of the Japanese he had learned at Christmas time.

I do not mind that I have not seen him for long. He is busy and so am I. If he were to spend too much time in my apartment, then I would think his father would get a wrong impression of me. I do not want let any sort of disgrace get back to my parents. I do not want them to have any reason to be ashamed of me.

Now that I have settled into my life here, I find that I miss them more and more. I suppose that is the price I pay.

8 July 1978

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 20:23:33 GMT

In Japanese

I've been so worried the past few months that I have no taken the time to write in here. School ended for me in March, but since then I have been busy finding a job for myself and hopefully someway to get back to Tamino. My marks were very good. I scored very high in Charms and that has made my family very proud of me. I did not do so badly in my other subjects either!

My father found me a job a few months ago and I am happy in it. I have been working for the British Ambassador's office in Ministry of Magic in Tokyo. Over a month ago I was telling the Ambassador's wife (She's was helping me with my English because her Japanese is already very good!)about Tamino and how much I want to see him again because I love him and she just smiled at me before talking to her husband. They put in a transfer for me and now I am working in London and living with another girl who works for the Japanese Ambassador.

My parents were not happy with me moving, but since they say I have been moping around the house for the past few months that this is probably the best for me! Once I get settled in more, they will visit me, I hope. I've never been this far away from them for what could be years.

I've only been in London for a couple of weeks, so I do not even know if Tamino is out of school yet, but I hope he is. I've missed him so much the past few months and I want to see him again. I do not like living in a city where I only know a few people and know even less of the language. If I could only find Tamino I know he would help me.

1 June 1978

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 02:16:29 GMT

In Japanese

Mitsuko told me this morning that she thinks my head is always in the clouds. Thinking about Tamino puts me there and I cannot help it! She is jealous of me at times, I think. She jumps from boy to boy all the time and I have not thought of anyone but Tamino since I first met him. The more we fight about Tamino and other boys, the more I fell our friendship splitting apart. It makes me very sad because she has been my closest friend all the time we have been at school. I suppose things are ending and if I want to be with Tamino, I will have to leave her anyway.

Speaking of being with Tamino, I am trying to discretely find out if my grandmother or his are planning any trips to England again. I am determined to find some way to see him. It has been too long since we were last together. I love him and want to see him no matter what. Both of us will be done with school and will not have to be separated because of that.

I've been learning a little bit of English. I was so surprised with how well Tamino had done with the Japanese that he learned for me, so I want to learn his language. I hope he will be surprised. When I learn more English, maybe I'll be able to get a job in England.

I say all of this, but I know nothing for sure. I have not heard from Tamino in sometime, but at the same time, I haven't owled him either, so I cannot but all of the blame on him. Perhaps I will owl him tonight after I study for awhile.

10 February 1978

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 22:55:32 GMT

[in Japanese.]

I cannot blieve that Mitsuko would do that! She says that the reason I continually decline her invitations to go to town with her and some of the boys is because my "silly infatuation has gone to my head." Tamino is no longer an infatuation! I thought she realised when I returned from England and told her that I loved him. I haven not told her about anything else, but she hardlyneeds to know!

To call me silly. Me! When Mitsuko flies from boy to boy, staying only long enough to catch their interest and then leaving them to chase after another. I have to chalk her comment up to jealousy, I suppose, but it doesn't make the situation any easier! So I would prefer to stay in and write to Tamino, what is wrong with that?

She will never understand. I think perhaps I might have just lost my best friend.

15 January 1978

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 21:32:52 GMT

[in Japanese.]

I cannot believe that I am back at Nippon already. I was enjoying England and being with Tamino so much that the time just went by so quickly. I have had the worst feeling in my stomach since I watched him get back on the train for his school, and since then I haven't been able to sit still either. I am restless and unwell. I am probably being dramatic about all of this, but that does not make it any easier to bear.

Misuko has been trying everything to cheer me up, but it is not working very well. I have not told her very much, because I do not know how she would take it. We made a promise once that we would save ourselves for marriage. We were very young then and also very ignorant. I did not know then that I would meet Tamino and that ... that I would love him. And I do love him. I would not have done that with him if I did not.

I also would not have done that if I did not know when I was going to see him again. I will see him again; I will find a way. As of right now, neither my grandmother nor his is making any plans to return to England next summer, but that does not mean that I cannot. Or that he cannot come to Japan. We will find a way. I do not believe that either of us are ready to give up on this. Especially now.

8 December 1977

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 15:04:07 GMT

[in Japanese.]

Today was my very last day of classes before the winter holidays. It is slightly depressing to note that I will not see Mitsuko again until January, but it simply cannot be helped, and she understands completely. Tomorrow morning, I am going back home to Yokohama and will stay with my parents for several days. Then, my grandmother and I are traveing with Tamino's grandmother back to England! I am so excited that I almost wish that I did not have to go home at all, though that is not a very nice thing to be thinking as I do miss my mother and father terribly while I am at school and will miss them even more while out West.

I suppose it is a fair trade, however, because I will be going to see Tamino. I hope he is not too much changed since the last time I saw him, and I certainly hope that he will be happy to see me. As far as I know, no one has told him that I will be there, yet, and I certainly do not mind the surprise. I just hope he does not! And, as always, traveling with his grandmother will prove to be ... an amusing if not a somewhat trying adventure. Still, she is a very lovely woman with interesting stories and I only hope that she and Tamino get on while I am visiting. I really would rather not stay in the middle of a row.

Hee. Tamino! In less than a week I will get to see him again! It is so exciting, it hardly seems real.

18 November 1977

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 19:21:46 GMT

[in Japanese.]

It is just under a month until the winter holidays begin. I am going home for several days and then my grandmother, along with Tamino's grandmother and I, are going back to England! I did not think that they would return this year, as we spent nearly two months there over the summer, but we are. I have thought about whether or not to write to Tamino and tell him, but I have finally decided to let it be a surprise. What a nice surprise it will be ~~I hope~~! I cannot wait to see him again and show him all of the new English that I have learned. It is not much, but it is much more than what I knew this summer.

We might even be able to have an entire conversation! Wouldn't that be lovely?

I have been asking Mitsuko's help for what to say to him. I suppose I know how to talk to boys, as I talked to Osamu regularly. But he was Osamu and talking to him was like talking to any of my friends. Mitsuko says to talk to him as I would talk to her, but I cannot talk to Tamino about boys and clothes! I will have to find something new to talk to him about.

I am now very glad that I have nearly a month to do that.

22 October 1977

Sun, 22 May 2005 23:04:26 GMT

[in Japanese.]

Several days ago I received something very, very exciting in the post. A letter from Tamino! I felt so bad about thinking that he had forgotten me once I read it, because the reason it took so long for him to respond was that he had been trying to learn how to write me back in Japanese. It was so unbelievably sweet of him that I want to go out and learn English for him right this moment, though I know it will take much more time than a few minutes of hard work.

I was so excited when I heard from Tamino that I forgot about Osamu completely and left him waiting for me at the pier for several hours until I finally remembered that I had made a date with him. He was very unhappy when I finally arrived and we had a small fight. I tried not to bring up Tamino, for the sake of Osamu, but eventually I did. Osamu did not take it well and I believe he has left me permanently, but I do not mind.

If I had my choice (and really, I do), I would choose Tamino. He is much more interesting and much more kind than Osamu. I know that he is on the other side of the world right now, but that is only for now. In a few months, I will see him again and I will tell him that I want to be with him and no one else. I am sure he feels the same way.

Now, I must practice my English (what little I know, at any rate). I want to write Tamino back as soon as possible.

24 September 1977

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 20:16:20 GMT

[in Japanese.]

I cannot believe that he has forgotten about me so suddenly.

12 September 1977

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 23:25:05 GMT

[in Japanese.]

When I woke up this morning I was hoping for there to be a letter from Tamino, but there was not one, and I do not know why I am surprised. I wrote to him at the beginning of the month, and I do not think it takes very long for an owl to take my letter to him, maybe three or four days (I think), but I have no received one back yet. Maybe he could not translate it, but I do not know English well enough to write him in that language yet. Maybe he just does not like me as I thought he liked me and really does not want to be friends anymore. I do not know, but I wish I was in England so that I could go and see him and maybe I could find out if he really likes me or not.

If Tamino really does not like me, if he does not reply to my letter, I still have Osamu. He is always asking me to go outside with him after classes and I say no always because I am thinking of Tamino and most assuredly not of Osamu. I told Mitsuko all of this, and she says that maybe Tamino is intimidated of me, but that is ridiculous. Maybe he just does not want a girl who cannot even talk to him. I can only learn English so fast, I am trying! It would make me feel better if I heard back from him.

23 August 1977

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 20:37:16 GMT

[in Japanese.]

It is only a week or two until my grandmother is taking me back to Japan. I do not want to go and leave Tamino behind. There are many boys in Yokohama, but none of them are as free as Tamino seems to be. He is very open (well, I suppose. He seems to be, at least.) and doesn't stop to think about what he does. He follows no rules, as I can tell, and he doesn't hold back. I like that. I like it very much.

I will miss him very much when I am back home. My grandmother said that we can return next summer, but that is a very long time away. I will write to him, but I do not know how to write English. Perhaps he will be able to use a Translation Charm, or he knows someone who will do it for him. If he writes back to me, I will probably also need a Translation Charm. I should study those when I return to Japan and my magic books. Perhaps Mitsuko will help me. She will like to hear all about Tamino, I am sure.

15 July 1977

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 04:52:51 GMT

[in Japanese.]

Just when it was that I had given up hope on ever being taken back to the house of the Changs, Grandmother allowed me to go with her friend as she visited family and friends today. That meant that I got to go with her to the house of her son, and there I saw Tamino! I did not think that today would be the day that I would see him but I did! And he was cute just as last time and I still didn't understand him but he smiled at me.

I also met his sister, who is named Ting. His grandmother told me that she is married to a man named Jeffrey Nowles and that she works at a museum for Quidditch. She was very nice, even if I didn't know what she was saying, but also pretty and I wish that I could talk to her almost as much as I wish that I could talk to Tamino.

The visit was kind of boring because I could no understand what they were talking about, but I got to watch Tamino! And when I left I kissed him good-bye. I think he really liked that, even if his grandmother didn't seem to.

7 July 1977

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 04:50:11 GMT

[in Japanese.]

I had a thought today that perhaps Grandmother would take me to the home of her friend and that we would go to visit the house of Tamino, but it did not happen. Instead we visited a stuffy old man with very little to say and even less of an interest in my very existence. Grandmother did most of the talking, though it was English, and I think I might have fallen asleep at some point. I am beginning to think that perhaps learning English would not be the waste of time that my father once called it and would rather be beneficial in some capacity. Even if this would be my last visit to the West, there are still many businesses in Japan that value knowledge of English. I do not know if I will be required to get a job some day, but if I am, I want to be ready.

30 June 1977

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 05:33:18 GMT

[Obviously, written in Japanese.]

I do not know how she does it, but Mitsuko was very, very correct in predicting that I would find a nice boy here. I have not been in England for a week yet and already the friend of my grandmother has introduced me to her grandson, who is my age and very cute. He does not speak a word of Chinese, which I am good at, or Japanese, which I am even better at, and since I do not speak English, I did not actually talk to him at all. I do not think he knows very much of Japanese culture, and he looked confused when I bowed at him. They shake hands here in the West, and do not bow as we do, but I bowed, anyway, for his grandmother is very strict and sticks very close to the traditional culture of Japan.

I watched him make tea, and he was not very good at it. I do not think his Charms are very good. I am just glad that he is magical, as I am, otherwise it would make for a very boring stay here with Grandmother. After the tea his grandmother had me accompany him to his room to help him with his Charms which are, as I have said, not very good. Even though we could not talk verbally, I believe we talked very well with our bodies and minds. Even if he did not improve in his Charms, he is very good at kissing, but that is all I am going to say about that.

He is also very good at flying on a broom. I do not like heights or playing games in the air, but he is very good. I wonder if he plays on some sort of team. I would ask him, but if we were able to talk, there are other things I would ask first. I would ask him what his favourite subject is and if he has read any books on magical theory. I would ask him if he has interesting friends and what job he would like to have when he is old enough. Grandmother has promised me that we will return to his house and that he will see me several more times before we return to Japan in August. I do hope one of these visits come soon, because otherwise this country is quite useless.

His name is Tamino.